


Please Don't Wake Us

by Shampion



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: AU where it all makes sense, Also can you tell that I'm DEFINITELY not a doctor?, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, In which I keep adding tags because I'm too nervous to submit, Kinda, M/M, THERE'S AN ABOVE AVERAGE AMOUNT OF CRYING, This is my first fanfic I don't know what I'm doing, send help, terminal illness, who even cares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 12:36:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7533061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shampion/pseuds/Shampion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I can’t keep living my life as usual.” He told the doctor as McCoy pressed the stethoscope to his chest in the doorway of the Captain’s quarters. “I can’t because I’m always waiting for it to happen. Like I’m a time bomb.” The doctor sighed and pulled away, nodding.<br/>“I’m sorry, Jim.”<br/>“Please don’t blame yourself. You’re only gonna make me feel worse.” He said, tipping his head back as tears threatened his eyes.<br/>“I’m gonna figure it out.”<br/>“Len?”<br/>“Yeah…”<br/>“It’ll be okay if you don’t.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Please Don't Wake Us

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  \--------------------------------------------  
> AU where there’s no other plots but this one.  
> AU where all of these medical things make sense.
> 
> Alien Blood Disease Awareness Month  
> \--------------------------------------------
> 
> This is literally my first fanfiction, please be nice to me. I came out here to have a good time. And to suffer greatly.
> 
> Warning: This might make you sad.

***

“Dr. McCoy!” Uhura called in a voice that was serious enough to mask her panic. She charged through the medbay doors with two securities officers, one of them carrying the unconscious body of the captain in his arms. “Something’s wrong. He just collapsed. Out of nowhere. One minute he was fine, and the next… He was on the ground.” The doctor helped the officer set Jim down on a biobed and he started taking readings.

“Did he hit his head?”  
“I don’t know. I don’t know, I didn’t see him fall.” The doctor gently opened one of Jim’s eyes and shined a light into it. He frowned. Placing a hand carefully against his chest, he listened to his heartbeat. His frown deepened. “What is it?”

“I’ve heard stronger heartbeats from geriatrics on life support.”

“Oh my god!”

“Nurse Chapel, help me prop him up. We’ll try to get the blood flow to give his heart a little pep talk.” They moved him by the shoulders but stopped when the beeping monitors started to react. Bones froze and stared at the readings in confusion. Suddenly Jim gasped and coughed, waking, as if he were waking from the dead. He clutched the edges of the bedrail, feeling as if he was turning over himself in dizziness. The doctor watched, perplexed.

“W-whha?” Jim tried to say, blinking painfully in the sudden bright of the fluorescent medbay.

“You fell unconscious. Just relax for a minute.” The doctor told him, pressing firmly against his shoulder to get him to sit back.

“What? Why? What happened?”

“I’m trying to figure that out…” He said, looking at the readings again, utterly lost. “You’re not dehydrated. Your blood pressure is good. Your heart is back to normal. How do you feel?”

“Fine. Like I did a minute ago standing in the embassy with Uhura. What do you mean  _ back to normal _ ?” The doctor and the nurse exchanged glances and both were silent for a long moment.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. I need… I think I need a second opinion.” McCoy said dazedly, disappearing into his office. The nurse offered Jim an encouraging smile but it was tinged with uncertainty.

The Captain was released about an hour later, apparently no worse for wear, but the doctor remained locked up in his office, poring over his resources.

 

***

 

“Ah, Mr. Spock, Sir… We ah… Is Dr. McCoy with ya?” Scotty’s voice came through the communicator. Spock looked at Bones and raised a brow.

“He is, Mr. Scott. Do you require his assistance?”

“It’s the Captain, Sir. He was down here in Engineering when suddenly he collapsed. He won’t wake up, I… Jesus.” Bones bristled as he listened, quickly moving across the bridge to the elevator.

“He’s on his way, Mr. Scott.”

 

“Is he breathing?” Bones asked as he knelt down beside his unconscious friend.

“Barely, doctor.” McCoy looked up at him uncertainly before placing a hand on Jim’s chest, leaning his ear over his mouth to assess it for himself. His breaths were coming shallow and infrequent. His heartbeat felt slow and weak beneath his gentle hand.

“Hold his head a moment, will ya? If it tilts too far back it’ll put stress on the airflow.” The doctor said as he gathered Jim in his arms. Scotty supported his head so that it wouldn’t restrict his breathing as Bones lifted his heavy body off the ground, adjusting his hold on him once he was on his feet. “Thank you, Scotty.” He mumbled and turned towards the elevator, leaving the engineer standing alone and horrified.

 

In the medbay he didn’t wake with quite as much grace as the first time. Spock stood by as the doctor gave Jim a small shot of adrenaline in hopes that it might normalize his labored breathing. Jim opened his eyes, gasping for air as before, looking around in complete confusion. His eyes landed on the doctor’s hands which were roaming him, steadying him, adjusting an IV as attentive doctors do.

“Get off of me!” He hissed, pushing him away. Perhaps the adrenaline had been a bad call. “Get  _ off _ . Don’t touch me!” McCoy retreated with surprise until he realized that Jim’s numb and clammy fingers were about to rip the needle right out of his arm. Then there was a struggle.

“ _ Stop _ ! Get the fuck off of me, Bones!” He cried, starting to panic, furious tears forming in his eyes over reddened cheeks. Spock stepped forward, about to intervene.

“What the hell’s the matter with you, Jim?” Leonard hissed and the Captain slowed his struggling. “How do you expect me to fix you when you’re fighting me like a goddamn grizzly bear?” Jim was silent. He relaxed, wouldn’t meet his friend’s eyes. Bones checked the IV one last time to make sure it hadn’t been disrupted. Jim didn’t say a word.

 

Spock and the doctor left Jim to rest and adjourned with Nurse Chapel in Leonard’s office.

“What is your medical opinion on the Captain’s illness?” Spock asked.

“Hell if I know…” McCoy said, picking up the PADD that was on his desk. “He seems perfectly fine and stable now. And it’s been two weeks since the first incident. I don’t know… It could be some kind of… I don’t know… hell…”

“Have you consulted your resources?” Spock asked.

“You think I’m an idiot? Course I have! Ain’t nothing in this goddamn index that matches his symptoms.”

“What’s the worst case scenario?” Chapel asked. Bones ran a hand over his tired face.

“Worst case scenario, he has an inoperable mass in his brain or heart.” He said, dropping the PADD onto the table again. “We’ll keep him overnight and do a head scan first thing tomorrow.”

 

Later that night, long after Spock and Chapel had left, McCoy went out to check on Jim. He was lying awake in the dimmed medbay light, and he watched quietly as the doctor approached him. McCoy kept his eyes fixed on the monitors above his bed.

“I’m sorry, Bones.” He whispered. Leonard lowered his gaze to meet Jim’s through the dark. The Captain looked guilty and scared, his fists clenching the blanket by his waist. It was the first time Bones noticed how rarely he saw Jim sitting still. It sort of broke his heart. Especially to hear his voice so broken and apologetic. Especially when he had no idea how to help the man.

“Nothin’ to be sorry about, Jim.” He whispered back, lowering his hand to cover the Captain’s fist. Jim slowly relaxed and turned his hand over, squeezing Leonard’s hand in his freezing fingers. The doctor was startled by the gesture. He squeezed back, needing to reassure his friend. “We’re gonna figure this thing out. Promise.”

 

***

 

In the morning Jim was prepped for his head scan. McCoy instructed him to relax and stay still, though it looked pretty hopeless based on the way he looked this morning-- so different than he had last night. Antsy. Full of energy. Ready to get back to work.

“This shouldn’t take long.” He said as the Captain was lowered into the machine. He watched as it started to scan, showing images of his brain layer by layer.

“Bones?”

“Stay still.”  
“I am!”

“You’re talking.” It worked for about thirty seconds.

“When was the last time you were home?”

“Home?”

“Yeah. In Georgia.”

“Not since we left the planet. Now be quiet.”

“I’ve never been to Georgia.”

“Mmm.”

“I bet it’s beautiful.”

“Mmm.”

“Shore leave is coming up.”

“Mmm?”

“Maybe you could show me around.”

“I think the whole point of Shore leave is to be taking a break. Keeping you out of trouble is a full time job.” Jim laughed at that. “Stay still.” Bones said sharply.

“It’ll give me something to look forward to. In these hard times.” Jim said dramatically. The doctor rolled his eyes even though the Captain couldn’t see.

“We’ll see.”

“I’ll settle for dinner and a movie.”

“ _ Jim _ .”

“What?”

“Be quiet.” And he was for about sixty seconds this time.

“What’s wrong with me?” He asked with a sigh. The scan ended and Leonard brought him out of the machine, looking at him with concern. His brain was clean. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing at all. After a long pause, Bones sighed too, shaking his head and resolving to be honest with Jim.

“I don’t know.”

 

***

 

Jim was released from the medbay later that day and he felt just fine for most of a week. But then, as it inevitably would, it happened again. Only this time he woke up before it was over.

“Bones…” Jim gasped from the floor of the elevator where he was slowly suffocating. The doors were propped open, the emergency stop pulled, with people peaking in past where Spock stood watch as the doctor crouched beside Jim-- desperately trying to calm him down.

“Don’t say anything just yet, Jim. Take it easy now. You’re gonna be okay.” He told him, but he didn’t feel okay. He felt like he was going to die right there on the floor of the elevator, with the whole crew peeking in on him. He grabbed onto the doctor, scared out of his mind, his chest feeling heavy like there was concrete in his lungs and he couldn’t breathe around it. Everything was cold. His head pounded and begged for air he couldn’t get.

“What’s happening to me?” He squeaked, and the sound of his terrified voice was shattering. Leonard flinched. Spock frowned. Some of the onlookers looked away. Jim’s heart palpitated helplessly in his chest and he felt dizzy like he was tumbling forward in the break of a wave. He clutched the front of McCoy’s shirt, hard, desperate. Bones brushed some of Jim’s hair away from his face, trying to stay calm.

“This is gonna pass, Jim. Just wait it out. I’m right here.” The Captain shook his head, convinced he was dying. “I’m not lyin’ to you. I don’t lie, do I?” It won him the tiniest smile. “You’re gonna make it through this and then this time next month you’ll be on shore leave. This’ll all be just a memory.” Jim gasped pathetically, trying to breathe. The doctor studied his face with concern, trying to determine if his pep talk had worked.

“Will you show me Georgia?” Jim asked breathlessly, and Bones smiled down at him. After a moment he nodded slowly. The people outside the elevator listened with interest.

“I’ll show you everything worth seeing in beautiful Georgia.” He promised quietly, blushing a bit as Jim smiled wide. The Captain’s eyes watered only because he couldn’t laugh.

In a few more minutes the ordeal was over. He was breathing perfectly normal, and if not for the exhaustion and the deathly cold he felt all over, it would have been like nothing ever happened. Spock came to his senses and dispelled the crowd. The two walked Jim to the medbay where Nurse Chapel had prepped the machine for his chest scan.

 

“Look how his airways are constricted.” The nurse said.

“They’re inflamed, but what’s causing it?” He asked and looked around, almost as if he was expecting somebody to answer. But nobody did because nobody knew. The rest of the scan was clean, even though Bone had half hoped there would be something. A mass. Something. Something that was explainable. Something that he could fix.

But there was nothing.

***

 

“I lied.” McCoy said to Chapel as they stood alone in his office after they’d sent Jim to his quarters to rest. “This is the worst case scenario.”

 

***

 

A week later Jim fell choking to his knees during a walk with Spock on the observation deck. The Vulcan pressed his fingers to the Captain’s temple so that he wouldn’t have to force the words from his dying, deadweight chest. Bones propped him up off the floor, held him as comfortably as he possibly could as the fit took over his body.

“He wonders why it has to happen this way.” Spock said, his voice blanketing over Jim’s soft wheezing as he dizzily held himself tight against the doctor. “He wonders why it waits to be forgotten.”

McCoy kept him overnight for observation but spent the time tearing his hair out, trying to puzzle through what was going on. He needed to figure this out. He needed to. Another sleepless night ahead, this time staring at blood samples.

 

***

 

“Here.” McCoy said when Chapel came to relieve him in the morning. “Right here.” Neither of them were sure what it was, but there it was. In his blood. Something they’d never seen before. Something that didn’t exist in any medical textbook or database. Something entirely new that would probably end up being named  _ Kirk’s Disease  _ after its first unwilling victim was struck from the universe for no apparent reason.

“A virus?” Chapel asked.

“How can I cure something like this?”

 

***

 

A few days later Jim fainted at his post on the bridge but woke just in time for the torture of being suffocated by his own body. His face streaked with tears of pain and embarrassment while everyone watched, unable to vacate their posts. He knew then that he wasn’t going to be allowed to work anymore. He wasn’t fit to be Captain.

The doctor swore and cursed himself in the elevator which was moving so slow that it might as well have been going in reverse. He stood, head bowed, with his hands on the doors as if he were trying to pull them apart. When they finally opened, he didn’t look at anybody but Jim. He crossed the room like a horse with blinders. He knew if he saw their friends’ terrified faces he would lose his focus. And he wanted to focus so that Jim would focus and not get lost in the looks he was receiving and the humiliation he felt to be dying in front of them.

“L... Len…” He shuddered out, his lungs burning, heavy with gravel. Every time felt worse than the last. Every time felt like the time he wouldn’t make it through.

“This is gonna end, Jim.” He whispered to him. “I promise it is.”

And it did, surprisingly, not in his death. Whether he was too tired to move or too mortified, the doctor had to carry him off the bridge and down to medbay.

“I’m dying. I know it now, for sure.” Jim said.

 

***

 

Sure enough, he wasn’t allowed to work after that. He spent most of his time moping and pacing because even now he couldn’t stand still. He wasn’t stupid, either. He knew that these episodes were getting worse and more frequent. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was stuck in medbay permanently. So when Bones found him pacing around the empty medbay late one night, he told the doctor he was ‘acclimating’ even though he knew it was because he couldn’t sleep.

“Come on,” Bones said, gesturing Jim into his office, “I’ll make you some tea. You can sit with me a while.” They both shared a sleepless night while Bones experimented with his blood samples.

 

***

 

“I can’t keep living my life as usual.” He told the doctor as McCoy pressed the stethoscope to his chest in the doorway of the Captain’s quarters. “I can’t because I’m always waiting for it to happen. Like I’m a time bomb.” The doctor sighed and pulled away, nodding.

“I’m sorry, Jim.”

“Please don’t blame yourself. You’re only gonna make me feel worse.” He said, tipping his head back as tears threatened his eyes.

“I’m gonna figure it out.”

“Len?”

“Yeah…”

“It’ll be okay if you don’t.”

 

***

 

That night Chapel insisted that the doctor take some time away from the medbay to get some sleep. He needed it, for sure. Plain as day. He’d spent far too many consecutive nights awake than any respectable doctor was allowed to admit. And Leonard was so unwilling to accept it that it took an official order from Spock as acting captain in Jim’s absence, and even then he fought it. Now he stared up through the dark at the ceiling of his quarters, drifting in and out. That was, until he heard a quiet knock on his door.

“Yes?” He said through the com, not moving, still staring upwards.

“Hi…” Jim replied. Leonard paused. His voice was tired and sad. And if he didn’t know better, he’d say he was lonely.

“Everything okay?”

“No…” Bones got to his feet and opened the door for him, letting him in. The next thing he knew they were lying together in his bed. It was innocent and frightening. “I know it’ll be soon,” Jim said, “and I don’t want to be alone for it.”

“I won’t let you be alone.” Bones whispered, taking hold of his hand. They both drifted and managed to get most of an hour of sleep before Jim woke up, gasping and choking and crying because he just wanted to be better again so that he could tell Leonard just how much he meant to him. When it was over, the doctor put on his uniform and took him to medbay and admitted him ‘indefinitely’.

 

***

 

Objects crashed to the floor as Bones tore through his office like a goddamn spanish bull. He swept the table clean with one furious flail of his arm. Spock watched him from the corner, knowing better than to interrupt.

“Why, Spock?!” He growled. “Why do these things have to happen to people like him? Why is the universe so against having good and brave people?” He smashed the glass face of his old-fashioned clock as he slammed it down onto the desk.

“Dr. McCoy…” Spock said cautiously after the doctor hadn’t moved for a while. He was frozen and panting, gripping the edge of the desk with his head hanging heavy from his tired shoulders.

“I think I love him.”

 

***

 

After a few nights in the medbay, Jim was restless again. He wanted to leave. To be better. To see his friends. But both he and Bones knew it was impossible now, with his episodes coming every four or five hours. And his physical exhaustion quickly overtook the desire to stretch his legs.

The doctor kept at it with the blood samples, mixing different solutions, testing the results. Jim’s blood was infected and nothing Bones had tried so far could kill it. He’d called Starfleet command, begging for advice from the best doctors back on Earth. A medical anomaly, they called it. They insisted that they couldn’t help him. They’d advised him to ‘make him comfortable’.

But Leonard could not bear to come to terms with losing him. He was the kindest and most selfless man he’d ever met, brave enough to forget himself for the benefit of others. He was strong and a fighter and he’d been through more than he’d deserve in ten lifetimes. Jim had only just scratched the surface of his promising future when he was recruited by Captain Pike. He deserved to come out of this and live a full and happy life. He deserved to have the chance to be as treasured and loved as his crewmates were by him. And hell, how was Leonard supposed to come to terms with losing him if he’d barely come to terms with loving him?

And so he didn’t sleep. He stayed up, testing his blood, trying to find a way to prolong his Captain’s life.

 

***

“I’m scared.” Jim wheezed one night, one terrible night when the episodes were coming every hour. “I don’t want to die.”

“You’re not going to die.” Leonard growled, practically snapping his clipboard in half in his hands. “I’m going to save you.”

 

***

 

Unfortunately, saving someone is far easier said than done, especially when you weren’t half as brave as they were. Jim was heaving in the biobed, the sensors crying, Spock and Chapel standing by because these were going to be his final moments. The episodes that came every hour had eventually bled into one long stream of absolute agony, and the only thing left to do now was fight.

And fight he did, as Chapel brushed his blond hair away from his forehead while McCoy scrambled, desperately mixing samples with different solutions in the last ditch search for his cure. Jim was dying. He could almost feel the weight of it pressing down on his own chest. Jim was about to die, and Leonard was about to break his promise. He hung his head over the tray of his blood samples, eyes burning and chest clenching in an exhausted defeat. But when he opened his eyes, something strange happened. One of the samples seemed to be reacting. He flew to his feet, knocking over several objects as he scanned the sample to see it up close. Yes. Jesus, yes. The virus was dissolving.

“Dr. McCoy…” Chapel said quietly, looking at him from Jim’s bedside where the Captain was panting softly, eyes only slits, about to give up on himself. Life wasn’t worth this suffering.

“I’m going to save him, dammit.” He said, spinning around manically, mixing a larger volume of the solution. He was clumsy and desperate and by the time he filled the IV bag with the liquid that could save him, Jim was unconscious, his chest barely rising and falling. He slipped the needle gently into place and waited. All of them waited. But eventually Jim’s chest stilled.

“Dr. McCoy… He’s gone.” Chapel said, letting go of the Captain’s hand which fell limp against the bedsheet. The monitors were silent. They looked down at him. He was so still. Lifeless. A body that once was always in motion.

“No. He’s not gone. He’s not gone.” Bones said, shaking his head in denial, eyes glassy with tears.

“You did everything you could.” Spock said, putting a hand firmly on the doctor’s shoulder in an attempt to soothe him.

“No. I could have saved him.”

“You couldn’t have.” Chapel said, voice thick with tears for her lost Captain. “Nobody could have. It was just…” She had to pause, trying not to lose composure. “It was just his time.” Bones buried his face in his hands. He’d never heard anything less true. It wasn’t his time. He wasn’t ready. He’d told him himself with big terrified eyes. He had so much ahead of him. So many things to accomplish. And he’d died before Bones could even tell him how he really felt about him.

“Come on, doctor. You should lie down.” Spock said.

“No.” He snapped, shrugging the Vulcan’s hand from his shoulder. “No. Please just… Give me a moment.” They cleared the room and left him alone as he pulled a chair towards Jim’s bed. He cried. He cried like he never had before. He was a man who had believed he had nothing to lose only to be proven wrong. He was a man who had failed in his marriage, his fatherhood, his job, and now his promise to Jim. He was a man who’d been too afraid to let Jim in, always pushing the man back two steps whenever he took one. He was a man who’d lied to himself for the better part of a year, and the better part of his life, about the kind of people he really loved. He was a man who’d just lost someone who would never know how much  _ less _ he was when Jim wasn’t around. Exhaustion took over and mercifully, he fell asleep resting his head on his arms in the bed beside Jim.

 

***

 

Most of an hour later the monitors buzzed to life. Jim’s eyes blinked slowly open, too dazed to think or feel anything. He recognized the blur of dark hair asleep near his lap. He tested his breathing. It felt okay. He felt okay. But tired. So tired.

“Bones?” He whispered, and it woke him. He blinked at the living man a few times before, convinced he wasn’t dreaming, he jumped to his feet to check his monitors and his vitals. He listened carefully to his breathing, which was unlabored. Once he’d convince himself Jim was stable enough to step away from, he took a sample of his blood and scanned it. Clean. Completely. Cured. “Bones…” Jim said, trying to get his attention.

“Jim…” He replied, returning to his bedside. His eyes ached and welled with tears of relief. He replaced the IV with fresh fluids. If he knew the man he’d be back up and running around by this time tomorrow. And that made him happier than he could express, looking down at Jim with glassy eyes. “I thought I’d lost you, darlin’.” Jim smiled, because yeah he’d thought the exact same thing, but Bones had just called him  _ darlin’ _ in that irresistible accent, and if he was gonna die, well, now he could do so happily.

“You didn’t lose me,” He said weakly, “You saved me.”

“How do you feel?”

“Cold.” Leonard slowly kicked off his shoes and climbed into the biobed with Jim, careful not to disrupt the line in his arm. He  _ was _ cold. He wrapped his arms around him, warming him, holding him close. “That’s better.” He said with a happy sigh, melting against the doctor. “I could sleep for a week.”

“So could I.”

“Can we?”

“We’ll see how long you really wanna stay in bed.”

“Forever, if you’re in it too.” Jim smiled as McCoy blushed.

“I meant to tell you…” Bones began.

“So did I…”

“It’s hard for me to say…”

“I know it must be…”

“Ever since I met you…”

“God, I feel the same...”

“Since I met you…”

“Please just say it…”

“I’m trying to tell you I love you, you idiot.”

And then, Bones discovered the only thing in the entire universe that would stop Jim Kirk from talking. He bent his head to kiss him. It started out impatient after waiting all those months to do it. Then it was nervous after a short moment of doubt. Then it was slow. It was gentle. It was sweet, loving, and thankful, and Jim responded about as earnestly as a man fresh out of a near death experience could. After a long moment, they pulled away and Jim panted softly against Leonard’s cheek.

“Thank God.” The Captain whispered.

“Yeah.”

“I love you too.” Leonard’s ears burned red.

“I know.”

“Georgia’s going to be interesting.” Bones rolled his eyes and Jim laughed softly.

“God help me.”

 

***

 

When Chapel came back to check on Bones she was shocked to find him in the bed with a living breathing Jim Kirk. The Captain looked healthy and warm in his arms. His monitors showed excellent readings. There was no indication that Jim would be dying again any time soon. Bones had scribbled a note on a clipboard which was propped up against his knees.

**We’re okay.**  
**Found cure.**  
**Please don’t wake us.**  


**Author's Note:**

> Please comment! Like I said. Never wrote fanfiction before. Could use some feedback.


End file.
